But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
please come you make the beer taste better
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
