we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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