im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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