Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
