She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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