i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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