Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
