Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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