WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just sucked dick on a ferry
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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