Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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