I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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