I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
