look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
