I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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