Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
