why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
