i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
