pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
