Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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