if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
