I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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