I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
