I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
