so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
