What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
