After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
