you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
