I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
