How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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