im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
