I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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