honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
