There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
