went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
