Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
