Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She's JV to your varsity
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
