a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
