I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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