I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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