We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
