do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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