walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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