she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
