I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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