dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
