she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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