WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
