omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
