I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
