I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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