someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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