Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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