she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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