Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
