You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
