you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
