i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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