i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
