Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
